Being a parent has to be one of the toughest jobs in the world. Each developmental cycle your child experiences brings with it its own unique joys and challenges – for the both of you. But imagine on top of dance class, soccer, and homework assignments, you have to add managing a chronic disease like diabetes into the parenting mix. If you are the parent of a child with diabetes, first understand that you are not alone. There are many tips, ideas, and blogs to help you find your own personal approach to parenting when your kid has diabetes.
Viewpoints and cultures vary, but one major purpose of parenting is to help your child develop into a fully engaged individual who is able to navigate daily life challenges independently and successfully. Now of course it is true that no matter what your age you may need a little help from mommy or daddy – and that’s okay. But when your child has diabetes, a condition that is largely self-managed, teaching your kid skills in self-reliance takes on a whole other level of meaning.
In teaching your child skills to manage their diabetes, take the team approach and consider where your child is developmentally. For example, your 10-year-old son with Type 1 diabetes may have pretty good handle on remembering when to test independently, but still needs your help adjusting insulin doses. Or your 14 year-old daughter who has testing and insulin injections understood, but needs your encouragement when her blood sugar starts to bounce around thanks to growth hormones and puberty.The American Diabetes Association has a great table to help you understand age appropriate developmental tasks, priorities in managing Type 1 diabetes, and the family issues that can occur in managing a child’s type 1 diabetes.
Make your child feel like they have a partner in navigating their diabetes. Of course, it is not always that simple. Kids are also testing their boundaries and may want more independence than you feel they are ready for. Sometimes your intentions to help and stay involved in their diabetes management can result in a bit of conflict in your relationship. This concept called “miscarried helping” stems from a parent’s emotional attachment to wanting to be a good helper to your child and for your kid to be in good health. On the other side your child may be wanting you to be less involved.[1] This conflict can sometimes lead to poor diabetes management outcomes, so make sure your kid feels like they have additional resources to turn to, whether it is your spouse, a sibling, a diabetes educators, peers with diabetes, teachers at school, or their doctor.
Parents of children with diabetes also have the goal of trying to keep their kid’s blood glucose levels in range. Many parents have unrealistic expectations that by doing everything the doctor has prescribed their child will keep in-range blood sugar levels. Diabetes doesn’t work this way. There are so many factors that can impact blood glucose, like infections, stress, and exercise.
Of course it is all coming from a good place. You know that the more in-range your child’s blood sugars are that it decreases the risk of diabetes complications, like retinopathy and diabetic ketoacidosis. Manage your own expectations of blood glucose control as well as your child’s. Instead of seeing a hyper and saying “What did you eat to make this happen?” ask more problem solving questions like “how do you think we should handle this?” or “what did your doctor say to do in this situation?” It’s important to be involved, but without blaming.[2]
Experts in child development emphasize three essential factors in parenting – control, involvement, and affection. While all these factors need to be balanced towards the individual and developmental needs of your child, research shows that the more a parent is involved the better the child adheres to blood glucose treatment regimens, resulting in better metabolic control.[3] The Dario Smart Diabetes Management Solution is a great tool to help you and your child reach their in-range goals. Dario also helps give your child independence and you peace of mind with the ability to remotely view your child’s glucose readings and receive a hypo alert with GPS location and measurement.
Don’t forget that as much as you need to support your child with living with diabetes, you need support too! Involve your doctor and diabetes educators when you need help. There are great resources from the JDRF as well as online blogs and forums for parents dealing with diabetes, like DiabetesMine, Arden’s Day, and Our Diabetic Life. If you are feeling inspired, start your own blog or join an online forum. It’s a great way for you to express yourself, reflect, and distress from the unique challenges of parenting a child with diabetes.
[1] Harris, M.A., Mertlich, D., & Rothweiler, J. (2001). Parenting Children with Diabetes. Diabetes Spectrum. Vol 14 (4)
[2] Greenberg, R. (2011). How to Parent an Adolescent with Diabetes. The Huffington Post.